'In lockdown, I do far more domestic work. How do I convince my partner his laziness is harming me?'

There are two points you need to make to your partner, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith: that work should be distributed fairly, and that right now it isn’t

Under lockdown the unequal division of domestic labour between my (male) partner and I (a woman) has become really clear: I do far more of the cleaning, cooking, tidying, making sure we have enough groceries, etc. Which was the case before lockdown but less noticeable when we weren’t both home and having to cook every night. He seems to either not notice these things need to be done or is just used to them happening for him. How do I convince him his laziness is harming me and driving me away?

Eleanor says: One of the problems with housework is that we expect people to do it out of love. What could be a more quintessential expression of kindness than an elaborately prepared meal, presented on a carefully set table? The trouble is that once we think people do this work out of benevolence, it becomes very difficult to get the frameworks of fairness to fit over it. Fairness is about what you’re required to do, and benevolence is about doing more than that. Of course, benevolence is part of the job of a spouse and a parent – but when we expect more of it from mothers and wives, and when we think housework is its natural expression, the result is literally and necessarily unfair.

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from Property | The Guardian https://ift.tt/2SY5JbU
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